Weekly Clam update 14

Nothing particularly noteworthy this week, and just writing stream of consciousness

Trying to get TJ into a summer program. Theres a few moving factors, on top of the fact that it is hard to work with TJ directly, I have to slowly warm him up to it, he will shut down if you just drop information on him. Its quite frustrating when it is hard to help someone, but this is how it is with TJ.

I went to Dylan’s last lacrosse game last week, Thursday night. The goal was to get some facetime with him and schedule a workout with him, but he went off with his friends afterwards, so just lots of facetime with his parents. His parents don’t really understand sports, but are really invested in it. Dylan seems to be more of a pass first “point guard” rather than a shoot first “shooting guard”, and his parents, especially mom, don’t like it, they would prefer for him to score rather than get assists, despite his natural preference for it. After we get dinner in Ktown, just with the parents, and my aunt shares a lot of information with me. (she does all the talking, she wears the pants, I don’t think my uncle is comfortable sharing details of their life without running it through aunt first, but not vis versa, there is something about men in my family marrying women like this, I don’t think its entirely healthy but, this is all they know). Details they’ve shared, she voted for trump 2x (not 3x), they almost have their H2 hummer paid off. Why do they have debt on a used hummer? Its like, 20-25k…? That by itself isn’t that concerning, but the way they talked about it was odd, they said “we basically own it.” This is debt slave talk. Also, they talked about how they have been living in a 1 bedroom apartment investment property they have in ontario while they lease out their main home in Dana point for 6k a month, which they haven’t shared with me or many other people before. They are mildly ashamed of this. As I have said before, this family is always vague and opaque with their lives and its weird. But now they aren’t in the 1 bedroom because my aunts parents died (also weird situation), and now they are back in OC in her parents’ house, but she doesn’t like it because it isn’t “nice” and they don’t have the money to make it nice. (It should be like, maybe a $2 million house in san juan capistrano if I’m remembering correctly) Its just like, a lot of debt slave talk, on top of them sharing that they’ve been working a lot less to spend more time with the kids (while paying for their super expensive private college tuition). TLDR, I think they’re really bad with money, not super debt slave, but by our family’s standards, very debt slave, and spending well above their means, possibly because they have a flawed worldview (thinking that lacrosse and private college will create more wealth for their kids), and also some sense of insecurity, keeping up with the jones’ or something.
Also, there seems to be something about how people like to tell me a lot of stuff. I feel like people just share tons of details they wouldn’t otherwise share with other people with me. I used to think I was like, strategic with how I approach conversation, or it was about how I pretty often talk a lot in a way that feels intimate but doesn’t actually share any of my own personal details and so people feel like they need to reciprocate by sharing themselves. I texted Leilani about it, and she says it’s because I am genuinely curious about people and their thoughts and feelings and lives, and I am non-judemental. I am actually like, entirely non-reactive when people tell me crazy things. So, my previous theory about how I navigate conversations might have some impact, but I agree with Leilani, its secondary to my curiosity and lack of judgement. This is like, manic pixie dream girls, who are actually just autistic pretty girls with whimsical special interests and are a blank slate for emotional and emotionally unhealed men to trauma dump on.

My parents are coming home next week.

I’ve been going to grandma’s house so much to watch basketball. I’m kinda sick of it but also, I rarely regret spending more time there. Not all hours spent there are equivalent, but there is some element of just spending time at her house to understand how my uncles live their lives, to lower the stakes of each conversation.

I got ticket for being on my phone while driving. My fault entirely, but I will still try to fight it via written declaration, hoping the officer doesn’t turn in their paperwork. Otherwise its $160 and no points on my record.

My sleep has been super bad lately. I need to be disciplined to get it in line. I don’t have any particular reason for having bad sleep, just a lack of willpower I guess. Sleep diet exercise

Also a lot of heart burn also. It might be related? Switching to eating mostly porridge until the heartburn subsides. Also takeing esomeprazole.